October 19th, 2013
Washington, District of Columbia -
Citing lackluster merchandise sales, Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder has begun plans to change the name of his franchise.
"I feel that I have my finger on the pulse of the nation, and it is apparent that because of the relatively small population of Native Americans, interest in our team has declined. I want to stay fresh, and current" Snyder was quoted as saying.
Snyder, during an evening press conference, went on to say:
"Despite sagging merchandise sales, we feel that our fanbase is expanding - that is why I have given serious thought to changing the name to Washington Wetbacks"
Snyder then left the podium, apparently a bit confused as to the hushed reaction of the press
My happiness is not the means to any end. It is the end. It is its own goal. It is its own purpose.
― Ayn Rand, Anthem