Bad or funny dating experiences

[Gmaniac]

I was kind of shocked, not necessarily by the song because I've heard such. But because she was a white girl, cruising in a suburban neighborhood blasting a song with such lyrics.

You've got a lot to learn about white chicks, tyke:

[Daemon]

I was kind of shocked, not necessarily by the song because I've heard such. But because she was a white girl, cruising in a suburban neighborhood blasting a song with such lyrics.

I didn't think it was possible to be a cool, young, white kid nowadays (at least as that group sees it) without acting like you were raised in the hood. That goes for boys and girls.

[Bayonett]

Thanks for sharing.

Quick question. And this is just a matter of curiosity and not wanting to turn this into a racial discussion about the use of words. But he called you a nigga. You're not black are you?

Second, if not, he's probably using it as slang, so was he black? Was the woman black? I ask this because in the urban subculture, even among whites, that term has become common place. I reminds me of a situation just recently. I pull up to a stop light in the turn lane and a cut young white girl, probably between 17 to 22 years old, has her music blaring, and she was listening to a song which basically sound like "Nigga, this and nigga that."

I was kind of shocked, not necessarily by the song because I've heard such. But because she was a white girl, cruising in a suburban neighborhood blasting a song with such lyrics.

tyke, you've known me for how long now?

I'm white, she was white, he was black.

[GreenKelly]

I have a ton of them but you guys will like this one. Odd that this thread title should come up the day after Thanksgiving. The timing is so appropriate.

The last serious relationship I was in before I met my Bride was with this druggie named Fay. Beautiful girl with jet black long hair down to her azz. Stunning.

True story. We are at her parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. I had copped two bags of meth before I got there because we were going to a party that night and we wanted to stay up.. So her mother is cooking, we’re talking to her father and she knows I’m holding. Right before dinner, because she can’t wait any longer, we head up to the bathroom together to get off. She wants to splits the bags, but I paid for them, so I only want to give her a half a bag. We shoot them, but break out into an argument and it carries into the dining room... you do meth you can't stop talking your mind. [In case you’re wondering, her parent know we do drugs :)]. We sit down arguing, everything is on the table and she calls me an azzhole. So I jumped up, picked up the turkey and hit her in the face with it... hard. And I walk out.

Now how many of you guys have the cajoles to do that to a disgruntled girlfriend?

[PC Load Letter]

My story is pretty recent. Ex girlfriend and I split up earlier in the year. I'm 32 and most friends my age in my area are married or at least have a girlfriend, so I decided to check out the online dating scene. Little did I know how easy it was to get action off of the net.

Anyway I started emailing a girl in my area that happened to be the same age. We pretty much went through the usual "what do you do for a living... why are you single...what are you looking for..." yada yada before we eventually get to the sexual questions. Turns out she's just looking for just a friend with benefits so I'm like cool, no issues with that. After that we even exchange a few more pics and she shows me her booty and her twins. She's somewhat of a butterface but definitely has a body - not too skinny but a little soft and curvy - just my style. We exchange numbers and say we'll text and maybe meet up for a drink soon.

After a week or so of texting we meet up for a drink. She shows up about 15 minutes late and says sorry and she'll grab the next round of drinks. Turns out she is pretty chill and we actually like a lot of the same music, movies and TV. She's a little more eccentric than I could tell from chatting online but we're still having a good time. After a good amount of drinking we both decide to call it a night but said we should meet up again. Walk her to her car and hugged and said goodnight. She texts me when she gets home and says she could feel "me" when we hugged and too bad it was late and we didn't go back to her place. At this point I know next time we hang out it's on.

So a week or two later she let's me know she'll be at a bar kinda near me for a friend's bday and asked if I wanted to go. I said no thanks but said she could come to my place after the bar if she wanted to and she was cool with that. So she comes over that evening and we're just watching a movie and having a few drinks. After a while she steps out to smoke a cig which is an immediate turn off for me...I don't remember her smoking at the bar. So she comes back in and we start fooling around. We make out a little bit but the ashtray breath is causing more shrinkage than Costanza in the pool. To try and get myself going I make the move to get her top off and boobs out. At this point she still smells like a Marlboro but I'm definitely digging her boobs and I'm back in business. She starts feeling up on my junk. I naturally take that as the green light to get her panties off. I get the jeans off but I'm still working on her boobs as I slide my hand south of the border when I feel it...a massive....70's porn style....BUSH! Now I'm not talking about a little peach fuzz...I'm talking about BUSH! It was seriously uncalled for. I mean has she only been with dudes that totally dig it or has nobody else said anything? It's not like we weren't expecting to get physical. I threw the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and tidied up around the house, is it too much to ask that she cleaned her carpet? It was like the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine's friend has the outdated hairdo but nobody says anything to her. So I play it cool and leave my hand down there and I'm doing my thing - I can't scream and pull my hand back like I just put it on a hot stove - but the entire time my hand is down there I'm thinking "how the ***** am I going to get out of this one?" Meanwhile she is totally digging it. After a few minutes chick tells me she just got off and she wants me to go down on her. Now don't get me wrong, I dive more than Michael Phelps at the Olympics, but there was NO EFFING WAY I was about to on this girl. It would've been like giving Brett Keisel mouth-to-mouth resuscitation during no No Shave November.

At this point I'm scrambling how to play it off while also ending this night as soon as possible. I said I was going to run upstairs to get a condom and I'd be back. So I came back acting confused how I can't find a condom and say it's cool if we just wait until another time (thinking to myself NEVER) and she's like "oh grab my purse, I have some". *****!! A giant Family Feud red X right in my face. I just said, "hey don't worry about it right now, and let's just chill for a little bit." She's obviously confused and says, "umm OK". So we're on the couch and I start making up some story how I need to get up super early in the morning to take care of some stuff I don't even remember for work. I think at this point she's kinda getting the vibe that I'm turned off but she says, "well you got me off let me at least do the same for you". I'm just like "don't worry about it let's just chill...we can save that for next time." So we awkwardly finish another drink and the movie ends and I kinda hint that I'm about to hit the hay. She then says "well I assumed I'd be staying the night is that cool?" Family Feud X number two! I basically said I'd be up early and didn't want to have to wake her up, yada yada. I said if she had too much to drink I'd call her a cab and she basically got the hint to GTFO. So everything is completely awkward but at this point I don't care because I feel like I'm home free. Some leans in for a kiss to say goodbye and then grabs my junk and says "you sure you want me to go?" and I said "yes". Door closed. Door locked!

She texts me on her drive home asking what she did wrong and I just said drive safe and never responded to the rest of her texts.

[tyke1doe]

tyke, you've known me for how long now?

I'm white, she was white, he was black.

I figured as much. I thought maybe I missed something in all the years we've communicated with each other.

[tyke1doe]

I have a ton of them but you guys will like this one. Odd that this thread title should come up the day after Thanksgiving. The timing is so appropriate.

The last serious relationship I was in before I met my Bride was with this druggie named Fay. Beautiful girl with jet black long hair down to her azz. Stunning.

True story. We are at her parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. I had copped two bags of meth before I got there because we were going to a party that night and we wanted to stay up.. So her mother is cooking, we’re talking to her father and she knows I’m holding. Right before dinner, because she can’t wait any longer, we head up to the bathroom together to get off. She wants to splits the bags, but I paid for them, so I only want to give her a half a bag. We shoot them, but break out into an argument and it carries into the dining room... you do meth you can't stop talking your mind. [In case you’re wondering, her parent know we do drugs :)]. We sit down arguing, everything is on the table and she calls me an azzhole. So I jumped up, picked up the turkey and hit her in the face with it... hard. And I walk out.

Now how many of you guys have the cajoles to do that to a disgruntled girlfriend?

And in front of her dad.

And Bayo was musing about almost being dead after a date.

[CalgaryHawkFan]

My story is pretty recent. Ex girlfriend and I split up earlier in the year. I'm 32 and most friends my age in my area are married or at least have a girlfriend, so I decided to check out the online dating scene. Little did I know how easy it was to get action off of the net.

Anyway I started emailing a girl in my area that happened to be the same age. We pretty much went through the usual "what do you do for a living... why are you single...what are you looking for..." yada yada before we eventually get to the sexual questions. Turns out she's just looking for just a friend with benefits so I'm like cool, no issues with that. After that we even exchange a few more pics and she shows me her booty and her twins. She's somewhat of a butterface but definitely has a body - not too skinny but a little soft and curvy - just my style. We exchange numbers and say we'll text and maybe meet up for a drink soon.

After a week or so of texting we meet up for a drink. She shows up about 15 minutes late and says sorry and she'll grab the next round of drinks. Turns out she is pretty chill and we actually like a lot of the same music, movies and TV. She's a little more eccentric than I could tell from chatting online but we're still having a good time. After a good amount of drinking we both decide to call it a night but said we should meet up again. Walk her to her car and hugged and said goodnight. She texts me when she gets home and says she could feel "me" when we hugged and too bad it was late and we didn't go back to her place. At this point I know next time we hang out it's on.

So a week or two later she let's me know she'll be at a bar kinda near me for a friend's bday and asked if I wanted to go. I said no thanks but said she could come to my place after the bar if she wanted to and she was cool with that. So she comes over that evening and we're just watching a movie and having a few drinks. After a while she steps out to smoke a cig which is an immediate turn off for me...I don't remember her smoking at the bar. So she comes back in and we start fooling around. We make out a little bit but the ashtray breath is causing more shrinkage than Costanza in the pool. To try and get myself going I make the move to get her top off and boobs out. At this point she still smells like a Marlboro but I'm definitely digging her boobs and I'm back in business. She starts feeling up on my junk. I naturally take that as the green light to get her panties off. I get the jeans off but I'm still working on her boobs as I slide my hand south of the border when I feel it...a massive....70's porn style....BUSH! Now I'm not talking about a little peach fuzz...I'm talking about BUSH! It was seriously uncalled for. I mean has she only been with dudes that totally dig it or has nobody else said anything? It's not like we weren't expecting to get physical. I threw the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and tidied up around the house, is it too much to ask that she cleaned her carpet? It was like the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine's friend has the outdated hairdo but nobody says anything to her. So I play it cool and leave my hand down there and I'm doing my thing - I can't scream and pull my hand back like I just put it on a hot stove - but the entire time my hand is down there I'm thinking "how the ***** am I going to get out of this one?" Meanwhile she is totally digging it. After a few minutes chick tells me she just got off and she wants me to go down on her. Now don't get me wrong, I dive more than Michael Phelps at the Olympics, but there was NO EFFING WAY I was about to on this girl. It would've been like giving Brett Keisel mouth-to-mouth resuscitation during no No Shave November.

At this point I'm scrambling how to play it off while also ending this night as soon as possible. I said I was going to run upstairs to get a condom and I'd be back. So I came back acting confused how I can't find a condom and say it's cool if we just wait until another time (thinking to myself NEVER) and she's like "oh grab my purse, I have some". *****!! A giant Family Feud red X right in my face. I just said, "hey don't worry about it right now, and let's just chill for a little bit." She's obviously confused and says, "umm OK". So we're on the couch and I start making up some story how I need to get up super early in the morning to take care of some stuff I don't even remember for work. I think at this point she's kinda getting the vibe that I'm turned off but she says, "well you got me off let me at least do the same for you". I'm just like "don't worry about it let's just chill...we can save that for next time." So we awkwardly finish another drink and the movie ends and I kinda hint that I'm about to hit the hay. She then says "well I assumed I'd be staying the night is that cool?" Family Feud X number two! I basically said I'd be up early and didn't want to have to wake her up, yada yada. I said if she had too much to drink I'd call her a cab and she basically got the hint to GTFO. So everything is completely awkward but at this point I don't care because I feel like I'm home free. Some leans in for a kiss to say goodbye and then grabs my junk and says "you sure you want me to go?" and I said "yes". Door closed. Door locked!

She texts me on her drive home asking what she did wrong and I just said drive safe and never responded to the rest of her texts.

Break out the razor man.

[PC Load Letter]

Break out the razor man.

That thing would've chewed up and spit out my Mach3 Turbo.

[Gmaniac]

I threw the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and tidied up around the house, is it too much to ask that she cleaned her carpet?

It would've been like giving Brett Keisel mouth-to-mouth resuscitation during no No Shave November.

You have a way with words, sir!

Amusing read. Thanks.

[ForWhoForWhat?]

My story is pretty recent. Ex girlfriend and I split up earlier in the year. I'm 32 and most friends my age in my area are married or at least have a girlfriend, so I decided to check out the online dating scene. Little did I know how easy it was to get action off of the net.

Anyway I started emailing a girl in my area that happened to be the same age. We pretty much went through the usual "what do you do for a living... why are you single...what are you looking for..." yada yada before we eventually get to the sexual questions. Turns out she's just looking for just a friend with benefits so I'm like cool, no issues with that. After that we even exchange a few more pics and she shows me her booty and her twins. She's somewhat of a butterface but definitely has a body - not too skinny but a little soft and curvy - just my style. We exchange numbers and say we'll text and maybe meet up for a drink soon.

After a week or so of texting we meet up for a drink. She shows up about 15 minutes late and says sorry and she'll grab the next round of drinks. Turns out she is pretty chill and we actually like a lot of the same music, movies and TV. She's a little more eccentric than I could tell from chatting online but we're still having a good time. After a good amount of drinking we both decide to call it a night but said we should meet up again. Walk her to her car and hugged and said goodnight. She texts me when she gets home and says she could feel "me" when we hugged and too bad it was late and we didn't go back to her place. At this point I know next time we hang out it's on.

So a week or two later she let's me know she'll be at a bar kinda near me for a friend's bday and asked if I wanted to go. I said no thanks but said she could come to my place after the bar if she wanted to and she was cool with that. So she comes over that evening and we're just watching a movie and having a few drinks. After a while she steps out to smoke a cig which is an immediate turn off for me...I don't remember her smoking at the bar. So she comes back in and we start fooling around. We make out a little bit but the ashtray breath is causing more shrinkage than Costanza in the pool. To try and get myself going I make the move to get her top off and boobs out. At this point she still smells like a Marlboro but I'm definitely digging her boobs and I'm back in business. She starts feeling up on my junk. I naturally take that as the green light to get her panties off. I get the jeans off but I'm still working on her boobs as I slide my hand south of the border when I feel it...a massive....70's porn style....BUSH! Now I'm not talking about a little peach fuzz...I'm talking about BUSH! It was seriously uncalled for. I mean has she only been with dudes that totally dig it or has nobody else said anything? It's not like we weren't expecting to get physical. I threw the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and tidied up around the house, is it too much to ask that she cleaned her carpet? It was like the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine's friend has the outdated hairdo but nobody says anything to her. So I play it cool and leave my hand down there and I'm doing my thing - I can't scream and pull my hand back like I just put it on a hot stove - but the entire time my hand is down there I'm thinking "how the ***** am I going to get out of this one?" Meanwhile she is totally digging it. After a few minutes chick tells me she just got off and she wants me to go down on her. Now don't get me wrong, I dive more than Michael Phelps at the Olympics, but there was NO EFFING WAY I was about to on this girl. It would've been like giving Brett Keisel mouth-to-mouth resuscitation during no No Shave November.

At this point I'm scrambling how to play it off while also ending this night as soon as possible. I said I was going to run upstairs to get a condom and I'd be back. So I came back acting confused how I can't find a condom and say it's cool if we just wait until another time (thinking to myself NEVER) and she's like "oh grab my purse, I have some". *****!! A giant Family Feud red X right in my face. I just said, "hey don't worry about it right now, and let's just chill for a little bit." She's obviously confused and says, "umm OK". So we're on the couch and I start making up some story how I need to get up super early in the morning to take care of some stuff I don't even remember for work. I think at this point she's kinda getting the vibe that I'm turned off but she says, "well you got me off let me at least do the same for you". I'm just like "don't worry about it let's just chill...we can save that for next time." So we awkwardly finish another drink and the movie ends and I kinda hint that I'm about to hit the hay. She then says "well I assumed I'd be staying the night is that cool?" Family Feud X number two! I basically said I'd be up early and didn't want to have to wake her up, yada yada. I said if she had too much to drink I'd call her a cab and she basically got the hint to GTFO. So everything is completely awkward but at this point I don't care because I feel like I'm home free. Some leans in for a kiss to say goodbye and then grabs my junk and says "you sure you want me to go?" and I said "yes". Door closed. Door locked!

She texts me on her drive home asking what she did wrong and I just said drive safe and never responded to the rest of her texts.

we have our leader in the club house...


I lol'd

[Bayonett]

I hope this thread keeps going for awhile, I like reading these. Makes me feel not so unlucky.

[Godstree]

This one is the first date with my wife:

I was new to the Detroit area and had a drinking buddy and friend already at place where I worked. His on again off again GF since early HS set her best friend up with me and we all met at a club. Place was packed. We were getting our drinks on and then out to dance floor. Time to chill and drink so we found a table that had tons of empty drink glasses but we didn't care. I was single and had money so I was buying rounds but there were no waitresses and even if you ordered it would me like a million years before we got our drinks so I was going up to bar and getting orders. I was also hitting up on a chick but that is another story, not funny either. After several trips the buds GF makes a comment about me hanging out at bar with another girl, she is a smart ass so I give it back to her and said "I was just talking to a girl that Mike dumped so he could be here with you" Oh snap did that start a chain reaction. A few minutes later they are out in parking lot fingers in each others face and steam flying. With a picture window next to our table we could see very well. I was diggin it as I like watching fights. But NO, I had to go and break this up according to this girl I just met. I am wasted at this time. Just wasted. I agree to go out and let her know that I was just giving her chit and when I stood up I knocked over the table and it must have been a good 3 dozen glasses go flying. Now I am a clutz and when I do something like that, it is always way overboard. People all around got a good splatter of alcohol. The girl I am with is sitting there with a WTF just happened look on her face. Everyone was staring at her because I was a step or so back and she was still sitting where the table used to be. She turned and look at me as to save her. I just turned and walked away. She was just mortified. As I walked to the parking lot I looked back through the window and she was still there, frozen. Couldn't move.

After I broke up the fight, the other girl went in and got her out. This new chick wouldn't talk to me for a good three months. About two years later I proposed.

Not as funny as some in this thread but I am laughing as I type this as it brought me back to some fun times.