Pure crazy awesomeness
Originally Posted by Fugitive John McAfeeThe first day I colored my full beard and my hair light grey- almost white. I darkened the skin of my face, neck and hands carefully with shoe polish and put on an LA Saints baseball cap with the brim facing backwards and tufts of the front of my hair sticking out unkempt through the band. I stuffed my cheeks with chewed bubble gum stuck to the outside of my upper and lower molars – making my face appear much fatter. I darkened and browned my front teeth. I stuffed a shaved down tampon deep into my right nostril and died the tip dark brown – giving my nose an awkward, lopsided, disgusting appearance. I put on a pair of ragged brown pants with holes patched and darned. I wore an old, ragged long sleeve shirt. I donned an old Guatemalan style sarape and toted a bag containing a variety of Guatemalan woven goods. I adjusted my posture so that I appeared a good six inches shorter than my actual height and slowly walked up and down the beach with a pronounced limp, pushing an old single speed bicycle and peddling my wares to tourists and reporters using a broken English with a heavy Spanish accent. On my second day, while peddling small wooden carvings, I nearly sold a dolphin carving to an Associated Press reporter standing at the edge of my dock. He was pulled away from my enticement by an urgent phone call.
Among the people I spoke with that day was the caretaker at Mr. Faul’s house. The police had stated that Mr. Faul’s housekeeper discovered the body. His caretaker told me that Faul did not have a housekeeper. He himself discovered the body he said. I found this interesting and filed it away as a piece of data that might help at some point. Why would the police lie about this? Lies always have a reason.
Then I watched the police dig up my four dogs that had been poisoned and buried. They cut off the heads and re-buried the bodies. I found this curious. The dogs had been dead too long for an effective autopsy, considering it would be performed in a Third World country with limited access to laboratory resources. What was this all about?
I watched the police search my residence 7 times. At one point I got too close and was angrily ordered to go away. I did so while muttering “Pendejos!” loud enough for the officers to hear. Every search was allegedly performed in order to find me. On two occasions, however, the police carried large duffle type bags into the premises and left with the bags appearing nearly empty. Perhaps the bags contained their lunch and they ate while searching. Perhaps not.
On subsequent days using different disguises, I did the same general thing, one day selling tamales and burritos that I had purchased wholesale from a real vendor, on another pretending to be a drunk German tourist with a partially bandaged face and wearing speedo swimming trunks and a distasteful, oversized Hawaiian shirt and yelling loudly at anyone who would listen – “Leck mich um ausch!”. At 67 years of age it was quite a spectacle.