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Thread: Punch lines only

  1. #46
    Embracing and reveling AndromedaPatFan's Avatar
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    (For #1 49erfan)

    "One to read and one to write"
    Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

  2. #47
    Michigan Beer > Your Beer The Cryin Lion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim in NYC View Post
    "Well, mee wee bairn, I don't know where ye been or what ye been doin', but ye took first prize!"

    (and I have no idea what the rest of the joke is; I just read it in a Star Trek novel when I was in high school--Kirk walks in on one of Scotty's junior engineers as she's delivering the punch line)
    It's a scottsman singing to his johnson which has a blue ribbon upon it... and he's no idea how it got there. It's actually from a scottish folk song.

    Now I owe a punchline...

    "Panda: A south east asian mammal that eats shoots and leaves."
    A Drinking Team with a Cycling Problem

  3. #48
    Embracing and reveling AndromedaPatFan's Avatar
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    "We'd never heard that one before" or, alternatively, "He tells it particularly well"
    Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

  4. #49
    I am the Liquor Canada's Avatar
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    a brunette with bad breath.


    so blind people can hate them also.
    The Leafies are Scumbags.

  5. #50
    Recovering Christian
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    A few religious themed ones:

    "Think we got time?"

    "He usually gives me ten bucks!"

    "And if He sees His shadow, we'll have six more weeks of winter!"
    All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

    (and thank you, Ted Kennedy)

  6. #51
    Find time for sunsets... DrunkLeprechaun's Avatar
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    Heard a great one today -

    "Speaking!"

  7. #52
    Of course they add up RayClay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrunkLeprechaun View Post
    Heard a great one today -

    "Speaking!"
    Groucho?
    I've got binders full of women
    and a one point plan.

  8. #53
    Find time for sunsets... DrunkLeprechaun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RayClay View Post
    Groucho?
    Henny Youngman.

    Another good one from him:
    "What do you think I am - made of bricks?"

  9. #54
    Embracing and reveling AndromedaPatFan's Avatar
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    "All the verbs were in the last volume!"
    Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

  10. #55
    Embracing and reveling AndromedaPatFan's Avatar
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    "Aren't you sorry you had me spayed?"
    Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

  11. #56
    Marine Biologist Art Vandelay's Avatar
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    "Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day."

    "SHOOT THE DOG!!!!!"
    "I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden, so please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, lord of the idiots!"

  12. #57
    << King of Forwards
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    "I thought I paid it."
    "I just want to be a really filthy old man and get paid for it." -George Carlin

  13. #58
    Unplusdoublegood Ice-9's Avatar
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    "Hey y'all, watch this!" AND....

    "I would have gotten out today."

  14. #59
    BREAKIN' THE LAW!!!!!! femurov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Cryin Lion View Post
    It's a scottsman singing to his johnson which has a blue ribbon upon it... and he's no idea how it got there. It's actually from a scottish folk song.

    Now I owe a punchline...

    "Panda: A south east asian mammal that eats shoots and leaves."
    Aww, man! That's what I was going to say. Except mine is with a Koala Bear. So, since you stole mine, I guess I have to go racist on you guys...


    "Never trust a ****** when he tells you the Czech is in the male."
    As cliche as it may sound, I'd like to raise another round, and if your bottle's empty help yourself to mine, thank you for your time and here's to life.

  15. #60
    Evil Incorporated Marley's Avatar
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    "That's nothing, you should be here when he makes donuts"
    Occupying the handicap bathroom stall

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