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View Full Version : Dolemite Classic: The signifyin' monkey.



Iron Eagle
02-10-2009, 12:01 AM
Way down in the jungle deep,
The bad ass lion stepped on the signifyin monkey's feet.
The monkey said, "Mutha*****a, can't you see?
Why, you standin on my g*ddamn feet!"
The lion said, "I ain't heard a word you said."
Said, "If you say three more I'll be steppin on yo mutha*****in head!"
Now, the monkey lived in the jungle in an old oak tree.
B*ll****tin the lion everyday of the week.
Why, everyday before the sun go down,
The lion would kick his ass all through the jungle town.
But the monkey got wise and started usin' his wit.
Said, "I'm gon' put a stop to this ole ass kickin sh*t!"
So he ran up on the lion the very next day.
Said, "Oh Mr. lion, there's a big, bad mutha*****a comin' your way.
And when you meet, it's gonna be a g*ddamn sin,
And wherever you meet some ass is bound to bend."
Said, "he's somebody that you don't know,
He just broke a-loose from the Ringlin Brother's show."
Said, "Baby, he talked about your people in a helluva way!
He talked about your people till my hair turned gray!
He said your daddy's a freak and your momma's a whore.
Said he spotted you running through the jungle sellin assh*le from door to door!
Said your sister did the damndest trick.
She got down so low and sucked a earthworm's d*ck.
Said he spotted yo niece behind the tree,
Screwin a mutha*****in flea!
He said he saw yo aunt sittin on the fence
Givin a g* ddamn zebra a french.
Then he talked about yo mammy and yo sister Lou,
Then he start talkin about how good yo grandmaw screw.
Said yo sister's a prostitute and yo brother's a punk,
And said I'll be damned if you don't eat all the ***** you see every time you get drunk!
He said he cornholed your uncle and ****ed your aunty and niece,
And next time he see yo grandmaw he gonna get him another good piece.
Said your brother died with the whoopin cough and your uncle died with the measles
And your old grandpaw died with a rag chunked up in his ass, said he's goin on home to Jesus.
And you know yo little sister that ya love so dear
I *****ed her all day for a bottle of beer.
So, Mr. Lion, you know that ain't right.
Whenever you meet the elephant be ready to fight."

So the lion jumped up in a helluva rage!
Like a young c*cksucker full of gage.
He let out a roar!
Tail shot back like a forty-four.
He went through the jungle knockin down trees,
Kickin giraffes to their knees.
The he ran up on the elephant talkin to the swine.
He said, "All right you big, bad mutha*****a. It's gonna be yo ass or mine."
The elephant looked at him outta the corner of his eyes.
Said, "Alright go ahead home you little funny-bunny mutha*****a and pick on somebody your own size.
The lion jumped up and made a fancy pass.
The elephant side-stepped him and kicked him dead in his ass.
He busted up his jaw, ****ed up his face.
Broke all four legs, snatched his ass outta place.
He picked him up, slammed him to the tree.
Nothin but lion sh*t as far as you could see.
He pulled out his nuts, rolled em in the sand.
And kicked his ass like a natural man!
They fought all night and all the next day.
Somehow the lion managed to get away.
But he drug his ass back to the jungle more dead than alive.
Just to run into that little monkey and some more of his signifying jive!
The monkey looked at him and said, "G*ddamn ole partner, you don't look so swell."
Said, "Look like to me you caught a whole lotta hell."
Said, "Yo eyes is all red and yo assh*le is blue,
I knew in the beginning it wasn't sh*t to you.
There's one thing you and me gotta get straight
Cause you one ugly c*cksucker I sure do hate!
Now, when you left, the jungle rung
Now you bring yo dog ass back here damn near hung.
Look mutha*****a, ain't you a b*tch!
Yo face look like you got the Seven Year Itch!
I told my wife before you left,
I should kicked yo ass my mutha*****in self!
Why I seen you when he threw you into that tree,
Cause some of that ole lion sh*t got on me!
Why every night when me and my wife is tryin to get a little bit,
Here you come around here with some that old "I owe" sh*t!
Shut up! Don't you roar!
Cause I'll bail outta this tree and whoop yo dog-ass some more!
And don't look up here with yo sucka-paw case.
Cause I'll piss through the bark of this tree in yo mutha*****in face!"
The monkey got happy, started jumpin up and down.
His feet missed the limb and his ass hit the ground.
Like a streak of lighting and a ball of white heat,
That lion was on his ass with all four feet.
Dust rolled and tears came into the little monkey's eyes,
The little monkey said, "Look Mr. Lion, I apologize!"
Said, "If you let me get my nuts out the sand,
I'll fight yo ass like a natural man!
Look mutha*****a, ain't you a *****, you ain't raisin no hell,
Cause everybody saw you jump on me after I slipped and fell."
Said, "If you'll fight like men should
I'd whoop yo ass all over these woods!"

This made the lion mad!
It was the boldest challenge he ever had.
He squared off for the fight,
But that little monkey jumped damn near outta sight!
Landed waaay up in a banana tree and began to grin.
Sayin, "Look here you big, bad mutha*****a, you been bullsh*tted again!
Why, I'll take me one of these bananas,
And whoop on yo ass till it sing the Star Spangled Banner!"
And said, "If you ever mess with me again,
I'm gonna send you back to my elephant friend!"
Said, "The things I told you will never part,
But what I'm gonna tell you know will break yo mutha*****in heart!"
Your mammy ain't no good and yo sister's been a whore"
Said, "I had that b*tch on the corner for a year or more!"
But the lion looked up with a helluva frown.
Roared so loud that little monkey fell back to the ground.
The little monkey looked up and said "Please, Mr. Lion! Please don't take my life!
Cause I got thirteen kids and a very sickly wife!"
Said, "All of my money to you I'll give, Mr. Lion,
Please just let me live!"
But the lion kicked him in his ass and broke his neck,
Left that little monkey in a helluva wreck.
The monkey looked to the sky,
With tears in his eyes.
Nothin he could see or nothin he could hear,
But he knew that it was the end of his bulllsh*ttin and signifyin career!

Gmaniac
02-11-2009, 07:52 PM
I can't be the only one who didn't know: Definition of Dolemite. (http://www.reference.com/search?q=Dolemite)

I also found this video on youtube: Bam! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Voxp3ckwJZ0)

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Thanks for the addition, Iron Eagle. Good stuff.